Kids tantrum, fuss, squeal, yell, and scream. As a parent, you quickly learn what your tolerance level is.....then you rocket past it by 1,000%. You are able to handle much more than you would expect. Toss some Autism adventures into the mix and you have a real party at times. You talk to yourself, you don't sleep, your child doesn't sleep, you might be married but have no idea when the last time you had a real conversation with your spouse was, and then you have a job. Wait. Yes, that's right, you talk to yourself first.

Having a child with autism is all consuming. You are constantly thinking about their progress, their regressions, their therapies, their perseverations.... their recovery.

Some days it just really pulls on my heartstrings to send Jacob away on the little yellow bus, watching his sweet chubby face through the tinted window as they head down our street and off to school.
You'd think I would be used to it by now- it has been five years of Jacob leaving home for preschool, kindergarten, and now 1st grade. Despite the fact that all these years have gone by, each time it is still like sending an innocent toddler away everyday, out into the big, bad world alone, without me to protect him.

I hurried into the service on Sunday morning, already late but not wanting to miss another moment.
My friend, Trina, stopped me and whispered in my ear "Linda, your hair is going all directions. Just thought you'd want to know!"
She smoothed my hair and I hurried into the already crowded sanctuary looking for a place to sit. Once I located a friend, climbed over 3 or 4 people to the empty seat, asked the teenager next to me if she was saving the seat, and took my seat I finally had a minute to collect myself.

Twelve years ago, when CJ and I were newlyweds and expecting TJ, we decided that we would not count on my income to maintain our home and pay bills. We both agreed that we liked the idea of my first priority being the raising of our future children. Back then we didn't know that this was the best choice we could have made. Autism and a high-needs child weren't even close to being on our radar. But I believe that things happen how they are meant to happen, and we have been able to be flexible with my employment when we have really needed to be.

Earlier today I was visiting with another ASD mom I know. Our sons are the same age, both have autism, but they are completely different from one another. Where her son is small and agile, JJ is large and awkward. Her little guy has an incredible vocabulary (which uses to talk in detail about his current obsessions, but has limited conversation skills) and Jacob is nonverbal. The other child doesn't want to be touched, ever, and JJ needs to touch and be touched often.