I became a typical father in 1979. It was a dream come true—those magical first smiles, first steps, first words. Then in 1981, my son stopped talking, stopped playing normally, and began flapping his arms. From those first red flags of autism until now, I have not stopped experiencing autism and the family—the central theme of my life and work—counseling, teaching, and writing about the impact of autism on families.

The therapy every day, the tutoring, the doctors’ office visits, the living and eating in your car, the hours spent preparing special diet food, the hundreds of hours spent researching on the Internet, the time spent dispensing and taking pills, the hostile stares from other people, the whispers behind your back, the old friends that have stopped calling, and new friends that don’t quite get it….
Couple all of that with holidays, and sometimes it is just too much! Sometimes we may want to throw our hands up in the air and scream, “Forget it! Life is too short!!!!”
Unfortunately, autism doesn’t go away when we get overwhelmed, but there are some ways to reduce the stress and make it a little more fun. Here a few suggestions on how to throw caution to the wind and totally rock autism:

On November 3, 2012, the Lancaster County Autism Mommies, The Tommy Foundation, and Autism Spectrum Connections sponsored a parent workshop which I facilitated about taking care of your marriage while raising a child on the autism spectrum. Everyone present, myself included, learned how appreciating your partner can lead to necessary conversations that have been difficult to impossible to have.

Thanksgiving is a time for family, food and fun! A great way to enjoy the holidays while working on social communication is by playing games. Give your tummy a break from turkey overload and fill your plate playing this enjoyable holiday themed activity.

Materials:

Today was the big day. It was Baptism Day at church.
I could hardly believe that the little girl standing in the water, publicly professing her love for Jesus, was the same little girl who just a few years ago had no language and would only tolerate church because they had a really cool fake fish tank. God had spoken to her heart, made her one of His own, and we were once again humbled by His mercy and love.
Baptism Day didn't come easy though. Just as it takes a long period of rain showers each April to finally produce the beautiful, delightful flowers in May, it took some serious “April showers” to get Lizzie to her baptism.

In the first few years of autism, you jump in full force hitting all the therapies, supplements, and latest research out there hard. Then you start to realize that you are in this for the long haul, and you must slow down and pace yourself for the survival of your family. Never have we had to do this more than dealing with Lizzie’s eating issues.
Lizzie was a problem eater. A problem eater is a child that would rather starve than eat something that they don’t want to eat. The texture, consistency or smell is so offensive to them that hunger pains pale in comparison. I know this first-hand because when Lizzie was four-years old, I almost starved her.

I am blessed to have a wonderful mother that is not only supportive in words, but also in her actions. She has made autism more bearable by helping me in exactly the way I need it. When I need her, she comes running.....especially if it has to do with Lizzie. Mom, you really are the "wind beneath my wings".....even if you had to wait almost 38 years to hear it! Thanks Mom. I love you.

See Me Beautiful…..A Grandmother’s Journey with Autism
By Marilyn Statler
The piercing scream had heads turning in the McDonalds play area. The beautiful little girl with the huge brown eyes and brown curls was standing in the middle of the area screaming at the top of her lungs. She didn’t appear to be hurt or even unhappy—she was just screaming.
My heart stopped. I knew at that moment that something was terribly wrong with my precious granddaughter, Lizzie.

Do you remember that TV show “Kids Say the Darndest Things?” It was a show, hosted by Bill Cosby, that ran over a decade ago in which the host would ask kids questions in hopes of getting them to say something funny or inappropriate.
Well, you don’t have to put my daughter, Lizzie, on a TV show to get her to say something inappropriate. Inappropriate comments flow so freely out of her sweet little mouth that I sometimes find myself thinking, “We worked so, so hard to get you to talk, and seriously, is this what you are going to say?!!!!”
Having a child with autism causes every subject to be laid out on the table for discussion. There is no ability to dance around a topic or keep hush-hush on any subject. Every topic, regardless of how socially inappropriate, is thrust out in the open to be discussed with no filter on what might be said. For Lizzie, her thoughts and her words are one and the same, and sometimes her words can catch me completely off guard.

A recent series of conflicts left me seriously doubting humanity. With each twist and turn of kindness and flexibly I tried to show, I was slapped in the face with an attitude of entitlement and more demands made in an ugly and hurtful way.
Because I am still pretty irritated with the whole situation, it would give me great satisfaction to list my every right and her every wrong just to make you see how hard I tried to do the right thing. I would also love to share the list of funny (and not so funny) ways I have creatively crafted in my mind to get back at her. But at some point, I need to consciously stop thinking about it and choose to focus my energy on the good I can do in the world instead.
Sometimes I think autism helps me quickly get to bottom of a person’s true character. If someone is kind and welcoming to Lizzie, then I know they have a good heart and can likely be trusted. But if they show irritation or choose to talk down to her, then I know pretty quickly that I need to be on guard with them in other areas of life as well.

In honor of Father’s Day, I bring to you a guest blog from the Greatest Father on the Planet: my husband, Greg. I will admit there have been times of frustration when I felt that I was doing “it all” for autism. I researched, I scheduled, I lived and breathed autism 24/7. Then I realized Greg was doing “his all” to provide for autism, and that in itself is enough to send most guys packing.

Here is Greg’s very real account of how autism has affected him:
LOOK WHAT LOVE WILL DO
by Greg Hornok
I will never be nominated for Father of the Year by any autism association. In fact, by most measures, I am a completely inadequate father for the special needs that my wonderful daughter, Lizzie, requires.
I am not naturally prone to have patience, understanding, or even a great deal of sympathy. I come home from work tired and little bit irritable. I have worried about the money we have spent on therapy over the last several years. I have worried that the decisions of which therapies to use were the right ones. I have worried way too much about the toll that autism has taken on my marriage and the relationship with our other kids.