Whoo-hoo! I was out of town on a girls’ weekend where I could FINALLY relax and not think about autism.
The second night, I called my husband, Greg, to see how things were going. He sounded a little down, but that was to be expected since he was in charge of chasing our three young kids for a few days. “Ha!” I selfishly thought, “He is getting a taste of what my life is like every day, all day long.”
Greg showed great self-control that night on the phone not telling me what had happened earlier that day with Lizzie. He knew it would have ruined my ability to enjoy myself on a rare weekend away. I found out later that he had had the scare of his life.
He had taken the kids to the nature preserve to play at the park. Seems simple enough, right? Run around the park, swing a little, and maybe go down a few slides. That would surely kill an hour or two.
Only it wasn’t simple. The park was super busy that Saturday. Our youngest, Noah, had to be carried or in a stroller, our oldest, Andrew was an extremely active 6-year old, and then there was 4-year old Lizzie, a wanderer with autism, who had no understanding of danger or the consequences her actions could bring.

Since I have been “doing autism” for almost 10 years, sometimes I feel like I have heard it all. I go through periods of time when I really want to dig deep, research and tackle the issues that Lizzie is facing. Other times, I am overloaded with information, and I am really just trying to keep my head above water as I run the daily activities of my family.
Recently, I was asked by a friend to go to a seminar on autism. I wasn’t excited because lately I have been in that “overloaded with life” frame of mind. But, I went anyway, and I was glad I did!
I heard Dr. Sandy Gluckman speak on the how we can impact our child’s body chemistry just by controlling our words and stress level. Wow! Did this hit home!
I run my kids from therapy to activity to more therapy. We are so hurried and stressed for time that it never even occurred to me that I could be undoing all that therapy with our stressful schedule! It never occurred to me that I could actually positively affect the chemistry in Lizzie’s brain just by choosing to slow down and say the right words to her!
Rather than try and recap what I learned, I thought I would have Dr. Gluckman share with you some important information that was news to me…even after 10 years of autism.

On Monday, March 25, I was part of “Voices in the Family” a public radio show with host Dan Gottlieb. Eustacia Cutler also lent her voice to the discussion. Eustacia is the mother of Temple Grandin, a well-known adult with autism, an author and speaker. Dan has been living with quadriplegia for 33 years, and I have a 33 year old adult son with autism.

As I sit in an airport in Austin, the words from a Garth Brooks song ring vividly in my head,
Stuck in an airport in Austin,
and all of the flights are delayed.
As the rains keep fallin’
The memories keep callin’
me back to another time and place
For the first time in a long time, I am alone in an airport, traveling by myself. No whiny children sitting on my lap demanding food, no tantrums from a little girl who doesn’t understand why she has to wait so long, and no Dora DVD playing in the background. I don’t have to keep my eyes darting from child to child to child to make sure one of them doesn’t disappear. I am free.
Yet, I still have an uneasiness that stems from the feeling that I should be doing something more. What I am forgetting? Oh yeah, nothing. So I give myself permission to relax and do what I have always loved to do in airports…People Watch.

As I might have mentioned once or twice (or possibly ten thousand times), autism takes its toll on the mind and body. The lack of sleep alone can kill any desire to do anything fun and leaves us feeling as if we have nothing left to give. As parents, we just want to get through another day, so that we can lie on the couch and watch a TV show that will take our minds off our troubles – even if it is only for an hour.
When Lizzie was almost 3-years old, life was really hard. We were in the middle of a 30 hour-a-week behavioral home program. I had a very active and challenging 4 1/2 year old who was bored at home, and we were trying to sell our house so that we could move to a better school district for Lizzie. Oh yeah…did I mention I was 8 months pregnant?
I literally ate my way through that pregnancy. If there were a contest in stress eating, I would definitely have won! Anxious from decisions with Lizzie and the stress of having a child with so many problems weighed heavy on my mind all day long. I went to bed with the same knot in my stomach that I woke up with, and my sleep was restless at best. Chocolate was my medication, but unfortunately, I had a bit of a tendency to over-medicate! Fudge and brownies were a normal breakfast for me during that time, and so as you can imagine, 8 months into the pregnancy, right around the time my 31st birthday was a approaching, I had already gained 50 pounds (all baby, of course!).

If you missed Part1 or Part 2 of my interview with Virgina G. Breen, I would encourage you to take a few minutes to read them before reading the final installment of our conversation about the book she co-wrote with her daughter, Elizabeth M. Bonker. I AM IN HERE: The Jouney of a Child with Autism Who Cannot Speak but Finds Her Voice is one of my favorite books about autism and hope! I want to extend my appreciation to Virgina & Elizabeth for working with me on this interview and for sharing their wonderful story with the world. ~Leigh
LAW: Finding joy is something you write about eloquently in the book. Raising a child with autism is not easy. It can be downright painful to watch our children suffer, and like in Elizabeth’s case, to watch them physically harm themselves. Would you share a little about how you work to find joy rather than dwelling in dark moments and depression?

If you missed Part 1 of my interview with Virginia G. Breen last week, you can read it HERE. The book she wrote with her daughter, Elizabeth M. Bonker, I AM IN HERE is a must read! I hope you enjoy Part 2 of our interview below. ~Leigh
LAW: You state in the book that it isn’t enough to be a persistent parent when raising a child with autism…that instead you’ve found that being relentless is a must. I adore the 10 Rules you created for yourself. Can you share a little about that thought process so that other parents might create their own “rules” to live by?
VGB: I really appreciate how you understand that these are my Rules and how we each have to make our own. For me, it’s important to recognize upfront that being a parent of a special needs child is hard (Rule #1: Survive) but also full of joy (Rule #9: Celebrate Your Victories) if you make the right choices (Rule #10: Be a Victor, Not a Victim). I just tried to think about what was important to Elizabeth’s success and what it means to be a relentless parent including being upbeat (Rule #8) and keeping her dreams alive (Rule #7). Elizabeth says it more poetically:

With this post, I am thrilled to bring you a brief book review and Part 1 of an interview series with Virgina G. Breen who co-wrote I AM IN HERE: The Journey of a Child with Autism Who Cannot Speak but Finds Her Voice with her daughter Elizabeth M. Bonker.