Today I was welcomed into my son’s 3rd grade class (in public school) to read a picture book called “Understanding Sam and Asperger Syndrome” (by van Niekerk and Venter) and share some important information with the students. My husband and I requested this opportunity about a month ago because Ethan has been having some pretty huge challenges with classmates regarding friendship and social issues and we want to do everything possible to give Ethan (and his classmates) the tools they need to be successful in working through these complications. We are very open with Ethan about his diagnosis and the reason for many of his struggles and as a result he is also very open with others in his life so we felt this was a natural next step. During the pre-planning meeting with school staff held to discuss today’s visit, I was also told that we could send a letter home with the kids to help inform parents! I’ve been really excited as I have prepared for this opportunity and I absolutely loved spending 20 minutes with the children today.
For reasons not conveyed to me, the school staff chose not to send my full letter home with the students and decided instead to send an abbreviated version. While the abbreviated version listed some important information (and is of course a good start – for which I am appreciative), it didn’t convey a large portion of what we felt was significantly important...
With that stated, I hope that my letter in its entirety might help some of our readers here. It is printed below.

Last year I wrote about what I refer to as our diagnosis anniversary and all of the emotions it brings with it each year for me…right around Christmastime. This year, marks 5 years since our lives changed drastically - when we entered the community caring for and serving children and individuals with ASD; our 5-year diagnosis anniversary.
Ethan doesn’t really know I have these bitter-sweet moments every December and I plan to keep it that way, at least for now…He LOVES the joys Christmas brings and I adore watching the joy unfold around him. Spending time with our extended family makes him happy from the tips of his toes to the ends of the hairs on his head. He now shops for our family members – spending his own money – and helps wrap each gift. Ethan helped prepare gifts for the teachers and administrators he adores at his school. He understands why our family celebrates with gift giving and loves to hear the story of the Three Wise Men bringing gifts from afar to the Baby Jesus. Someday maybe I’ll share with him about my conflicting emotions at this time of year, but only when he’s an adult, and only if he is able to comprehend and filter such information to benefit his life and outlook; otherwise – I’ll keep it to myself.

Did you know that October is National Bullying Prevention Month in the US? Sad, really, that as a nation we have such a problem with bullying we have to designate one month a year as “prevention month.” The bottom line is that prevention needs to be occurring every single month, but if one month each year more people are focused on making that happen due to a distinction like this, I’ll take it; after all it gives me an excuse to share some tremendous resources on the topic.
Last spring I shared an interview series about bullying with Dr. Lisa Elliot called “Bullying is a BIG Deal.” Click to read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3. Plus, we got such great responses to the series that Dr. Elliott agreed to address the topic of Adults Who Bully after it was brought up in the comments section by one of our readers. Very important because it isn’t always kids bullying kids we need to worry about in this world. Sadly, sometimes the bullies are indeed grownups who should know better.

While this series was initially going to be three parts, it has become five as we explore how some adults can be bullies, too. If you missed Part 1, Part 2 or Part 3 with Dr. Lisa M. Elliott from Cook Children’s Medical Center, be sure to click over and read them. If you missed Craig Gibson’s powerful response, make sure to read it, too. Directly below, Dr. Elliott shares her take on "Adults Who Bully." Following her response, look for a few additional thoughts and questions from me.
Dr. Elliott: You would certainly like to think that children and teens outgrow bullying however there is ample evidence and research that supports adults often employ bullying tactics as well. It is not uncommon for childhood bullies to become adult bullies, which is frequently discussed and reported in workplace bully literature. Bottom line, bullying is absolutely wrong regardless of the age of the person who is bullying and every single person is responsible for how they choose to treat others.

Growing up in special education, I endured what felt like endless years of bullying. I've been called names, tossed in lockers and closets, and had my head shoved in toilets. I've been kicked, tripped, spat on, and had gum slapped on my head I can't tell you how many times, only for my friend to cut it out with a pocket knife. And, yes, that hurt.

Part 1 and Part 2 of this series have received a great deal of feedback and we are grateful to our readers for taking the time to share comments, thoughts and concerns. Bullying most certainly affects most, if not all, of our families and it truly “takes a village” to keep our kids safe. While my initial three-part interview with Dr. Elliott finishes below, one of our readers made an excellent point after reading Part 1 (see comment “Adults Bullying Kids”) that we plan to address this week. AutismSpot Featured Blogger Craig Gibson has graciously agreed to prepare a post addressing this topic (watch for it on Tuesday); I value the unique perspective Craig brings to the topic as an educator, the parent of a child with special needs and as an individual who was bullied as a child. Dr. Elliott is also preparing some comments about adults as bullies (watch for those on Thursday). Until then, let us know what you think about the information below!
LAW: Please share some suggestions of what parents should do when they determine that their child is being bullied. Conversely, what should parents NOT do when they realize their child is being bullied?
Dr. Elliott: Parents should encourage their child to share their feelings. And it is ok to directly ask your child if they feel they are being bullied. It is important to listen and then validate your child’s feelings. Do not rationalize or minimize the bully’s behavior.

In the three short days since posting Part 1 of this series – I’ve received a lot of private feedback and a few public comments; there is no doubt that bullying is a major issue and concern for all for American families, but especially families raising children with special needs. Please feel encouraged to leave a comment or question below, chances are – someone else has the same question or is feeling the same emotions. Look for Part 3, the final post in this series, on Monday. Again, I’d like to extend my thanks to Dr. Lisa M. Elliott for sharing her knowledge and expertise here with us.
LAW: Are there certain populations of kids, (for instance our children living with Autism Spectrum Disorders), who may be more at risk of being targeted by bullies?
Dr. Elliott: Unfortunately there appears to be several populations of children that are more of a target for bullying than others. A broad overall way to answer that question is that any child who “appears different” than the bully is often a target.

In January, at the FEAT-NT Conference, I attended a fantastic workshop on the topic of bullying. As children and adolescents with any kind of disability are at greater risk of being bullied, I was very excited to learn more. Lisa M. Elliott, PhD, a Licensed Psychologist and Clinic Manager for Cook Children’s Medical Center in Denton, took the time to present at the conference and answer questions from the audience. Dr. Elliott also serves as an on-site practicum and post doctoral fellowship supervisor, as well as an adjunct professor for the University of North Texas. Dr. Elliott specializes in therapy, psychological and neuropsychological testing for children and adolescents. She graciously agreed to work with me to convert the information she shared with FEAT-NT conference attendees for a series of posts here on AutismSpot.
I hope you’ll enjoy learning more in this three-part series about how bullying has changed in recent years and what parents, teachers, therapists and doctors can and should do to protect our children from bullies.
LAW: Bullying is not only on the rise, but it is happening to kids at younger ages than ever before. Can you please share some information about how very common bullying is today?

Dismount from your high horse, soapbox, and personal-political platform for a few minutes and accept reality. Every minute, every month, every year that ticks by is either an opportunity to grow or a missed opportunity. For every one of the schools throughout the United States that get it right for the special needs community, there are many times more who get it wrong. We talk about advocacy and promoting awareness while school districts across the United States continue to get it wrong every day.

Hi everyone,
Please take a minute to read the following message from a PhD student working on a project regarding bullying and ASD.
Thank you,
Cristina
Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorder