Can a 7 year old be charged with sexual harassment? It will all make sense in a minute.............
The 2 questions Rockstar will answer a remarkably clear "YES" to is "do you want to go to Krispy Kreme" and "do you want to go to the beach". Throw on some sunscreen, grab doughnuts and 45 minutes later we are high tailing it in the sand to our favorite lifeguard stand. Safety first! Has nothing to do with the 20 year old lifeguard with a 6 pack.

Never underestimate the lengths an autistic kid will go for a steak............
Monday night is always "#1 Dad Night" while I'm at work. The usual routine is: 1)ride bikes to Mellow Mushroom 2)eat body weight in greasy cheesy pizza 3)spread a little autism awareness while Rock jumps around in his chair and touches everyone in the restaurant 6 times 4)ride home. On this particular night, I guess Rockstar was in the mood for something a little more swanky.........

I say this phrase at least 97 times a day.
It's no shocker to anyone who knows me that I fall asleep in church. A lot.
Snoring. Head bobbing. Making the loud "UH' startled sound. It humiliates #1 dad who has to give me the ole elbow to the ribcage.
It's not that it's boring or I don't care. It's just that a weekend spent on the autism crazy train will leave you a useless shell of the person you started out as on Friday. Sitting still for more than 10 minutes = snoozefest.

The Walking Dead.....
Yes I watch this show religiously. It's gross, filled with drama, dead people, and living people trying to survive the zombie apocolypse. Guilty pleasure. I try to wait till Rockstar is asleep to indulge but occasionally he gets a sneak peek. Whatever.
In the spirit of this show, we have created a new game at our house. Not so suprisingly - it's called "Zombie". Here's a little backstory.......

Saturday morning.
Random YMCA soccer field.
Got both kids by myself..........................I can do this I can do this I can do this..........where's the valium.....
Here to watch my 3 year old play soccer (that is code for watch him walk around the field, crying, moping, whining and wiping snot on his jersey and begging to go home). Fun times.
I wait till he was face down on the field crying into the grass with kids running over him to intervene. I tell Rockstar to "wait right here" and mommy will be right back.
riiiiiiiiiiigggggggggght.

HUMILITY. HUMILIATE. HUMBLE. Thus describing the last little beach trip we took with the Rockstar.
Long weekend. I have the bright idea to hit the beach one last time before fall sets in. Off we go. Things are going great! Boat rides, tubing, seafood, and so far the condo hasn't been destroyed. During a little downtime, I decided to take Rockstar down to the pool.
If only i had "see the future" goggles my life would be so easy.

I haven't been to the bathroom by myself in 7 years.
SEVEN.
For some reason, there is always my little mini me shadow that follows. He can sense it. If I step more than two feet in the bathroom, BAM - he's there. My lil Rockstar.
Not completely sure why. Separation Anxiety? I go with him every time, so he's trying to get even? Entertainment? I don't know.

Early morning. Rock is up at 5:30. I am delirious. So what do delirious people do? They get on Facebook. My newsfeed has blown up with some controversy about Chickfila. Recently a manager at Chickfila restored my faith in humanity so I will be a customer for life.
We go to Chickfila for 3 reasons:
1) The marketing geniuses there have somehow convinced the world that it is "healthier" than regular fast food - which is false of course, but whatever.
2) There is an autism proof indoor playground that seems to only house a few infectious diseases and it is open rain or shine.

Just like a man........autistic or not, men are all the same.
Lately the Rock has an new obsession to add to his OCD repertoire..............the female anatomy we eloquently refer to as "boobs".
Big. Small. Old. Young. Fake. Real. It's humiliation on a stick for his mom.

Ignorance is not bliss.................
Let's take it back 7 years. I was living in Birmingham and teaching dance at a very well-established studio. I'm talking "dance scholarship getting pageant winning competition dominating skinny perfect dancer making" kind of studio. Definitely not the type of place that kids with "issues" came to take class.