Jacob broke a caregivers nose.
It has taken me a over a month to be able to put that out there. I am sick about it, stressed to the max, and have a sinking feeling this is only the first time. I don't know what the outcome of the situation will be, but I'm hopeful it will be easily resolved and that S will heal. I've pretty much had a rock in my stomach over it since it happened on New Years Eve.

I have always been more of an observer than a participant. I'm the person to whom, in a group of people, someone more outgoing will always comment, "You're so quiet? Aren't you having fun?" To which I reply, "Yeah! I'm fine," while seeing the doubt in their eyes as inside I'm cursing that person for drawing attention to me.

Sometimes when I tell people Jacob is non-verbal, they mistakenly assume he's silent. In reality, there's nothing further from the truth. He has never been a quiet boy.
In the past he's had several sounds that he uses to "speak" with us. First, when he was about 2, he'd growl. That was fun. Next, he said "ma ma ma" for everything. At 4 years old he began with the "eh-eh-eh" sound that he'd use in a conversational tone. That one lasted a few years. The past year or so the sounds of choice were "bo", Ahh-ahh", "na-na".

Jacob started crying yesterday afternoon. Not tantruming, not throwing a fit. Crying. Bawling. It was the saddest thing to witness. He was so frustrated that he couldn't make me understand what he was trying so hard to communicate, and he just broke down into discouraged, lonely tears.
My heart cracked apart a little to see this from my baby. He tries so hard, so hard, to talk to us and help us understand what his little head is thinking. I cant imagine the struggle it would be to never really speak to anyone and to have so much you want to express.

About a month ago I painted Jacob's bedroom in an "under the sea" theme. He loves Spongebob, mermaids, and seashells, so I decided to make it generic enough to fit all these interests and whatever new ones he develops.

I have been a week without a computer at home. I have known for a long time that I depend on my Internet access for more that fifty percent of my communication. Emails and message board posts are more common to me than phone calls and face-to-face visits. I have become more dependant on text messaging recently, and the thought that I may be able to avoid phone conversations altogether is hugely appealing to me.

It has been a heartbreaking week.
My younger brother, Thomas and his wife, Adrienne had their first baby late last Saturday, September 5th. After 7 short days with the family who loves her, Cali Koryn left us to return to Heaven.
My niece, Cali was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and had to fight for life every moment she was here on earth. The days she spent at Primary Children's Hospital were filled with moments of hope and love. Her little body went through more in that short time than most humans ever have to experience.

Six days till school starts. I cannot wait. I am feeling like an indentured servant to the giant wrecking ball that is Jacob. We both really need a break from each other and both welcome the structure that school provides.

After a day with lots of tears and emotional outbursts, I discovered what was bothering Jacob.
Poor kid has a painful loose tooth. I can only imagine how scary it is for him, not knowing that losing teeth is a normal thing, or remembering that this has happened to him before. And, unlike my other kids did, he doesn't even have the anticipation of a cash reward from the Tooth Fairy to get him through it. It's really sad to see him so stressed out and worried about what is going on in his mouth.

Jacob and I were picking up his toys this evening, when out of the blue he kicked me hard in the ribs. I immediately walked away and had a little cry in the bathroom. First because it hurt, second because times like that are the worst for a parent. When we are lovingly giving of ourselves to play with and teach our child and- WHAM!- a completely unexpected attack. It feels so personal to me when I think we are getting along and enjoying being together and he obviously thinks otherwise, hence, a kick in the gut or a punch in the chest.