Parents frequently confide to me when they have lost their patience. Fathers as well as mothers share their guilt and their heartbreak when this occurs. As one mother said to me recently, "My mother yelled at us, and I vowed to never yell at my children. Now I'm becoming a yeller. What's wrong?"

Why is it so hard for moms to take a break? What can fathers do to help?
First of all, struggling with taking a break from maternal responsibilities is normal. This is hard for the mothers of typical children—who presumably have a little less to be preoccupied about than mothers of children who have autism and other special needs.

With men, there is often an awkward pause before they can find the words to speak. Not about sports—that’s usually easy—but about what it is like to be doing their best to face autism with no “fix,” no exit, just life-altering challenges. Then they share their struggles and what they are learning about how to relate to their children and families. This is some of the work I do as a psychologist who happens to also be the father of an adult child with autism.

A New York Times article on January 19 entitled “New Definition of Autism May Exclude Many” has started a panic in the autism community about the changes in the definition of autism scheduled for release in the DSM 5. Are our children in danger of losing services? Can we hurry science? Is anything really changing? These questions and more are perplexing the autism community and professionals as well. I write from the perspective of a practicing psychologist and as the parent of an adult child with autism.

Times are changing but most men have still been raised to hold in their emotions or risk ridicule. On Thursday, July 7, I had the privilege of moderating a panel on fatherhood at the 42nd annual Autism Society Conference. The panel was made up of fathers with the courage to open up along with autistic self-advocates, and service providers.
As the fathers opened up, men and women listened intently. I shared how hard I had tried to change my son, Tariq, now 31. In the end, it was he who changed me, made me a father and the man I needed to be.

Veteran producer, director and cameraman Charles Jones was speechless with excitement when he held his son for the first time. He put his feelings into words in his YouTube video “Autistic Like Me” at http://www.youtube.com/user/AutisticLikeMe

Why is it so hard for moms to take a break? Renowned child psychiatrist, Donald Winnicott (1896-1971) said that struggling with taking a break from maternal responsibilities is normal. “Primary maternal preoccupation is a consuming attachment to one’s baby, a normal sickness from which most mothers recover.” He was talking about the mothers of typical children—who presumably have a little less to be preoccupied with on the average than mothers of children who have autism and other special needs. So it’s normal, but when it goes on indefinitely, it’s not healthy.

“I am just so angry.” With his voice shaking, he said what other men in the circle were thinking and feeling. “When I get home and approach my son, he pushes me away. I can’t stand it anymore. He just wants his mother, and he pushes me away from her too. The other day I told my wife I am ready to sign my parental rights away.”

Have you seen the popular movie, "Groundhog Day?"

Have you ever thought what it would be like if you were Phil? Stuck and re-living the same day for who knows how many days or months? Do you wonder what you would do if you were stuck and suffering through the same day over and over again?