We kicked off a new Dads Coffee this weekend. This new group came to us via the
Dallas Morning News Article that ran a few weeks back.

The funny part of the article is:
1) only one Dad in our initial gaggle is from Frisco (4 Allen, 1 Frisco, 1 Dallas)
2) we have never met in a Frisco, TX Starbucks. (It is typically Allen, TX)
3) we don't sit in booths...not enough room for guys our size

We are extremely thankful for the DMN running the article. It was nice to see the mass media highlight the world of Dads who have special needs children. The article reached a LOT of people. We have been fielding calls for weeks now and that is a very good thing. The world of Dads in the special needs community is a bit of a mystery. Men have a hard time finding ways to connect over the emotions and fears they are feeling.

As of Saturday (7/19/08), we have officially met in a Starbucks in Frisco, TX. Dads hailed from Allen, Dallas, Richardson and a fellow who is moving to Texas from out of state and will likely end up near Rockwall ...so we will say he traveled the greatest distance...he was from Montana.

The new group was made up of some very special Dads. Some have just entered this new world and have been working the maze for just a year. Other Dads have been traveling this path for many years. One Dad has twins who are on the spectrum and another father has two children on the spectrum but they are different ages. Let's stop and think about this for a moment.....really think about this.

Here are some interesting statistics: (based on the new group and the old group)
* 10 Dads
* 13 Kids on the spectrum (that is 3 Dads have two kids on the spectrum)
* 64 YEARS = when we get together there is the equivalent of a combined 64 years of experience raising kids on the spectrum

I have heard all the worn out lines from Dads before...
"I don't want my social life to revolve around autism."
"My life seems focused enough on autism. I don't want my guy friendships to be based on autism."
"All I ever hear about at home is autism. I just want to get away from it sometimes. Getting together with other Dads won't solve anything so why have a pity party."
"The last thing I need is some other Dad judging me for not being more involved, not taking a stand, telling me I don't do enough, telling me I need to be more emotionally "there" for my wife. I get this crap at home. I don't want it from some other guys."

What impresses me and encourages me is when I hear...
"I want to be there for my family and to do so....I need to know who I am. Getting together with other Dads helps me better understand who I am and who I need to be."
"It wasn't easy taking that first step and admitting I didn't have all the answers. Meeting other Dads has helped me to know what questions I need to ask and how to get plugged in."
"I have lived in many different cities around the country and it's hard to find other Dads who know what we are going through. If 1 out of 94 boys is diagnosed with Autism where are all the Dads?"
"I will work 2, 3, 4 jobs. No one is responsible for taking care of my family other than me. It's my duty. It's an honor. I will make time to meet other men because at the end of the day...no other man can understand what our lives are like unless he is living it too."
"I want to know more, I want to be more involved. I want to know that when everything feels like it's crashing in on me that I can pick up the phone and talk to someone. I've thought about suicide more and more each year. Sometimes I think my family needs the money more than they need me."
"I found Christ because I found hope from talking to other Dads. I realize I was designed to serve others. There is no better way for me to serve than serve my family."
"I'm going into battle to create a better world for my child who can't speak for himself. I need good soldiers by my side. I can't do this alone."

I like to remind Dads they have nothing to prove. Whether you attend a Dads Coffee or not, it doesn't mean you are more or less plugged in than anyone else. Schedules are tight and time is limited. We are all given the same amount of minutes each and every day. You don't have to quit your job or change your career to show that you are doing all you can for your family. You simply have to make a decision as to whether connecting with other Dads of kids on the spectrum is something that is important for you at this stage of your life. Maybe in a few years you will want to find some other Dads who you can get together with. Dads Coffee groups are what each group wants their focus to be. You won't leave feeling like you wasted your time, you will not be more depressed than when you arrived. It helps, it encourages, it motivates.

When our Dads Coffee first started meeting it was a great resource of information. We soon realized that we had a lot in common from both a work and social interest. Next thing you know...our families are getting together and our kids are playing with each other. It is safe, it is fun, it is life. This is our life. It may not be the picture we had painted back when we were 12 and thinking about marriage and kids. Autism isn't the country club membership that everyone wants to sign up for. Your life may not be playing out on the big screen as you had hoped. Then again, your child didn't ask to be faced with all the challenges that are before them. Your child...your little boy or little girl...or both ...they are innocent and need a community that will support them as they grow and develop.

Mathew 25: 40
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'