Shock + Fear = News?

A few weeks ago I was honored to play a role on a Fatherhood Panel at the 41st National ASA Conference. The gentlemen that participated were extraordinary. Fathers. Sons. Fathers and Sons. It was a very special time for all of us. Each panel member had the floor for a short bit and shared their personal story about the relationship with their father, what is was like raising a child on the Autism Spectrum, and what it was like having Autism. Each participant played one or multiple of those roles and this gave the panel a great deal of depth in my opinion.

Like so many of the positive aspects of the world according to Autism, the joyful and triumphant experiences are overshadowed by the negative. I wish we could box this into being a United States centric mentality but the reality is that what makes for good "news" in the US is the same elsewhere around the world. The happy stories don't see the light of day by the general media but the cold-hearted, devastating stories always seem to get extended air time.

Like the Fatherhood Panel, there needs to be more opportunities for sharing positive stories, personal triumphs, and awareness. There is tremendous hope within the Autism Community. The discussion doesn't have to be limited to the "recovery" stories. There is a great deal of debate around these and it gets heated for good reason. There are so many things we have to be thankful for, so many small wins to celebrate, so much opportunity to change how people look at us. Do our days run long, are we often overwhelmed, do we get judged? Certainly. These are just a few of the aspects to being a parent of a child with unique needs. It doesn't mean that these are the words that must define us.

During the Fatherhood Panel, I was deeply moved by Dr. Robert Naseef when he talked about the incredible relationship he has with his adult son who is on the Autism Spectrum. He talked of love, joy, the sharing of experiences. What came as a surprise to many in the audience was that his son does not speak. How is it that the walls of Autism, the overwhelming feeling of his son being trapped hasn't devastated him? It's because he chooses to see the world through his son's eyes, he has decided to get to know his son for the incredible man he is. The outside world may not understand; but, it is imperative that we (the Autism Community) begin to understand this type of triumphant love.

This week a mother in north Texas murdered her two children because they were Autistic. The audio from the 911 Emergency call is chilling. This mother states she wanted "normal children" and didn't want them to be Autistic. The murder was calculated. She first tried to make them drink cleaning chemicals and when they refused she resorted to even more horrific measures. There is nothing else that needs to be said. These innocent children lost their lives at the hands of their mother. It's horrifying. It was the lead news story.

One station in Dallas went into a segment about "Why Mothers Kill". Angie and I stared at the screen in amazement while the reporter rattled off the various methods typically used, the most common reasons "Mothers Kill" (he stressed this point), and what the most common tipping points were. Was this educational to the public or was it to create Shock + Fear in the viewer? Horrible stories like this happen in all segments of every community in every country. Incidents like this are not isolated to the world of Autism. For all of us who have children on the Spectrum and for every young person or adult who has Autism, it is stories like this that get so much attention and make it easier for the world to stare at us in wonderment. Does this story highlight the stress, anxiety, and fear that parents raising children on the spectrum might have? You bet it does. Did every single news outlet in Dallas (and many nationally) miss an opportunity to shed light on the fact that it is a sad, isolated incident? Did they stop for one moment to think about the different directions they could take a story like this in? Did they, even for a split second, think about the repercussions running a story like this can have? It's no wonder there are enormous hurdles to cross and deep segregation in our communities when it comes to those with special needs. When we sit back and allow the media to define the Autism Community by airing such horrific stories without balance then we are doing a disservice to our children and all our adult friends who are on the spectrum. It has been inspiring over the past few years to see positive stories of the basketball star with Autism, the young man with Autism who sang in front of a ballpark full of people. There are many more of these stories and they need to be told.

It's time we start to set the tone for how the world views us. It's time we eliminate the Shock + Fear of Autism and show the world that we don't live in a deep, dark hole. The Autism Community is about love, support, acceptance, patience, hope, truth, freedom to be whomever we want to be. I want my son to know that I will always stand with him on the mountaintop and in the valley, no matter the struggles, no matter the pitfalls, he will know that I will always accept him and celebrate the boy he is and the man he is becoming. We owe it to our children and our friends to not let the media dictate how the world views the Autism Community.