Ahhh, the teen years. Sometimes I wonder if some of D's bravado is related to changing hormones. Teens have a reputation for being difficult, and having attitude. In many ways I am lucky because I will not have to experience some of the emotions that are a rite of passage for these years. D doesn't realize the gravity of his age, or think about what many teens obsess over. He doesn't think about girls, or cars, meeting up with friends, or getting away from home as much as possible. (Am I having some flashbacks here? I had a car and a job at 16.) I don't have to worry too much about D getting involved with the wrong crowd or jumping into a gang--his lack of social skills is finally a plus!
The computer is a concern, he spends so much time there. I know he chats with other enthusiasts, and he knows not to reveal any personal info and why, but I still wonder. I do think if anyone tried to get kinky, D would end it because he is grossed out by almost everything. (Remember my prior writing reference to french kissing?) Also, he trusts me and would ask for me if anything was 'off' about his chats. He may be fourteen in chronological age, but emotionally more like a 12 year old. We do share a special connection that soothes my heart. He doesn't know that he is my salvation.
Hard for me to believe he will join high school next year. I need to heighten the learning curve. He thinks he is right about everything and will argue about how he is right. I want him to keep those thoughts to himself. We are working on him accepting that other people have the right to their opinion, and he needs to be gracious about it. There are times he (gasp!) may be wrong. I have mentioned that admitting when you are wrong is an admirable trait, but he is having trouble with that concept. In the first year of middle school when he was teased relentlessly, I tried to get him to understand that reacting just gives bullies more power. "Don't give away your power." But because that is abstract, it was hard for him to understand. He is not good at ignoring in justice. (When did society get so lenient?)
So many social rules to understand. I can be proud that after so many years of telling him to be a problem solver, he seems to be taking that initiative. I have said before that some people think of this as manipulation, but for him to have that intimate of a conversation is certainly personal growth. Consider the process: He has to politely ask to talk about it, and state his case logically (he is really good at this) and calmly (hard for him), and accept (or try to anyway) the conclusion. Insight, higher order thinking, sythesizing....makes a teacher and a mom proud!!
He has truly come so far, it is incredible. His teacher calls him a 'fine young man' and I am going to take some credit for that. I am so glad D has a male role model in his teacher; he so needs a male he can respect and bond with. Yes, I know he has a dad-'nuf said.
His dad mentioned driving lessons within 2 years; I'm thinking 18 is better. I expect he will live with me until he can get through college and become steadily employed. In other words, we will be roomies for many years to come, but that is fine with me. I have learned as much from him as he has learned from me--but don't tell him that or he will know he knows it all, and it's better he not know at all. :) ~a