Have you ever played "Best Super Hero Ability" with your child?  It's a fun game for the car or while hanging out.  It goes like this.

Dad:   What's the best super hero ability?
Sam:  Invisibility
Dad:   Why?
Sam:  Because I can hide from you when you want me to brush my teeth and get ready for bed.
Dad:   Want to know my favorite super hero ability?
Sam:  Dad, what is your favorite super hero ability?
Dad:   Super Vision
Sam:  What is "super vision"?
Dad:   The ability to see things that are invisible to others

The game can go on for hours and the list of creative super hero powers that one person can make up can get extremely long.  There's more to this simple game than meets the eye though.  Sometimes, the super hero powers that our children select have a direct correlation to how they are feeling about themselves and the world around them.  I'm not a psychologist or medical doctor so don't anticipate any medical journal entries to follow. 

This morning I was paying a visit to my favorite neighborhood Starbucks when something struck me.  One of the employees is a woman with special needs who helps keep the milk/cream/sugar and tables clean.  She is wonderfully sweet and always has a smile and laugh to share....if you take the time to talk to her.  The store was fairly busy this morning and I noticed four people surrounding her, reaching around her, over her shoulder, and even sighing out loud as a way to encourage her to move.  None of the four talked to her.  Invisibility.

Our children on the Autism Spectrum often are invisible to society.  They disappear in school to the resource rooms, they don't get picked for teams, they are looked over by teachers (not all teachers of course), and their peers often avoid "the strange kid" because they are inconvenient and difficult to talk to.  Both students with ASD and adults with ASD have told me this.  It happened to them, and it's happening somewhere right now.  Invisibility.  Then comes the down time, the change in schedule for a special event, (or when no adult with any sense about them is supposed to be watching) and suddenly the child with ASD is no longer invisible but has become the child in distress or the center of attention because they are being picked on.

As the kids play on the playground and wonder further from the teachers the bullying begins, when the assembly takes the place of morning announcements and throws our kids for a loop a meltdown ensues, or when their is a lull in the action of a typical day our children and their unique quirks start to become the center of attention.  Invisibility is gone and the damage begins.  There is a tremendous amount of money spent on Autism Awareness but often these well intentioned campaigns do absolutely nothing to educate the outside world what Autism really is, what it can look like in society, or provide suggestions on how to interact with someone on the spectrum.

As I walked up to the bar to put my non-fat milk into my morning coffee I said, "Hey, how's it going?"  My friend replied, "Well, looks like a hot one today.  Did you see the Cowboys? Going to be nice to be inside."  It may have taken her a few seconds longer to get the words out and even included two separate points but it was worth it.  I replied and then she leaned in to me and said, "Thanks for speaking sir.  It just takes me a little longer to get out of second gear than most."  My heart felt heavy while a smile quickly stretched across my face.  I wonder how many times a day she feels this way.  She is working to create a nice experience for guests and she does a fine job of it.  What's 30 seconds of waiting going to do to your schedule?

As I walked out of the store I could feel my blood boiling.  Here we are in what some would call an "aware society" and this is how four people treat someone they see each week?  She is good enough to clean up the ridiculous mess that you leave behind, she cleans up the crumbs from your poor eating habits and wipes clean the sugar, cream, and other disgusting remains that you leave behind.  Yet, you don't have the decency to say thank you, the kindness to say hello, the patience to appreciate the clean environment she is creating?  You were the kid who thought it was funny to pick on the weakest link in middle school, terrorized the kid who talked with a stutter, and you're the same person who leaves your grocery cart in the middle of the parking lot for others to take care of. Pathetic. Don't worry, you're not invisible to the rest of us and we see you for what you are.

As Sam enters the tween years we have started discussing the differences in people and the fact that strangers may not be patient or understand his quirks.  He doesn't fully understand just how different some of his thinking and behavior is compared to others.  Unfortunately, every adult I know with Asperger's has said that much of life's lessons have to be experienced before they are understood.  I want to equip Sam the best that I can and prepare him for what is ahead.  I'm also not a fool and realize that he will learn many of life's lessons the hard way.  He's strong, he's extremely intelligent, he has a good foundation to work from.  Most importantly, Sam has a wonderful and loving heart for others.  This will take him far in life and will bring him much joy.  For those who don't stop to take the time to know him, they are missing out.

Dad:   Hey Sam, want to know what super hero power is the best?
Sam:  Sure, which one?
Dad:   Love
Sam:  Love?  Love isn't a super hero power.
Dad:   Yes it is my son, yes it is.