We all have goals for our children. Early on we decide on the goals we are shooting for, what is it that we trying to accomplish, where we want our children to be in a month, a year or ten years from today.

Our goals change constantly (as they should) and we move from wanting them to talk, to wanting them to make friends, to keeping their friends and so on.

In our search for the right goal we get so focused on the final product and sometimes forget about the process. In our world, we try to make the process so much shorter because we have so many goals to reach, so many things to catch up on. We forget the process provides the avenue for building relationships and makes the final product much more valuable. The process is where the shift from external to internal motivation happens… If the process is incorporating a lot of reciprocal exchanges, negotiation and common goals, then both partners are HAPPY. Helping our children learn how to be happy WITH other people should be a priority for all of us.

Throughout my sessions I make a point in drawing out the process to build on the relationship and help my clients learn how to enjoy their favorite activities with me as opposed to doing things for me and enjoying their favorite activities by themselves. The process is hard and it requires a lot from me and my clients. The more we do it, the more we learn how to make each other happy and how to be happy together. I always have to remind myself that when the process is over and the final goal is reached, our time together comes to an end.

A couple of days ago I took Sam to the mall – it was planned as a reward for doing such a great job with his EEG. Since this was his time, I did not plan any “lessons” to teach him. It was a great opportunity to enjoy the process, the interaction, the relationship we have.

Here comes the great part: the whole time Sam was so excited to share everything with me. He was happy doing what he wanted to do. At the same time, Sam was trying to make me happy by bringing up things that he knew I liked…He was happy WITH me!!!

This was a rewarding experience for both of us!