Having choices in life is a luxury. Choosing what you will eat for breakfast, what career you will pursue, which friends you will keep up with over time are luxuries that some with Autism will never know. Choices.

Let's consider some of the different parenting profiles that exist and the choices parents make that give them one of these labels. Although this isn't an exhaustive list (because I made it up), it captures a fair amount of the different profiles that represent parenting styles we see every day.

There is the parent that is...
1) over scheduled and likes to tell the world
2) over schedules their kids and likes to believe it is "preparing them for life"
3) cash strapped and always talking money problems
4) rich & spoiled but oblivious to the bad habits they are passing along to their offspring
5) knows no boundaries and wonders why the home is out of control, their friends dump their troubles on them, and can't get anything done
6) a kiss up ...kissing up to teachers, coaches, tutors, sales clerks, and anyone else who can "influence their kids future or style"
7) angry at their kids, angry at the world, angry when they wake
8) the oblivious one ....while their their kid terrorizes other kids they may say, "Oh Johnny, stop pulling Kate's eyelids. Silly Johnny."
9) the medicated one....pills for this, pills for that, pills for things that don't exist yet and taking as a precaution
10) clueless.....just floats along and doesn't realize it takes work to be a parent and it's not everyone else's job to raise their kids
11) the special needs parents

As a parent of a unique and special child, it can be difficult to determine what choices you have and even more difficult to find a parenting style to mirror. There is no question that special needs parents carry each of these labels at various times. The media doesn't portray special needs parents on TV, Films, or Music Videos. There are books about being a special needs parent but you typically don't find those until after you have started to understand exactly what it is you are dealing with regarding the needs of your child. Doctors and journals share advice and experiences but finding that parent to connect with can be hard. You make the choice to join on-line forums and groups so you can learn from other parents. The reality is, you really have no idea whether the other parents have a similar belief system, parent outlook, moral, or ethical compass that matches yours. Getting face to face, learning how other special needs parents make choices, and assessing how similar or different you are from the other parents is extraordinarily beneficial.

During the recent SUPER Conference with Dr. Tony Attwood, Dr. Temple Grandin, Carol Kranowitz, and Dr. Jed Baker, I had the opportunity to meet a half dozen adults with Asperger's Syndrome. The men and women who sought us out ranged in age from 21 - 27. Was it our cameras and equipment, our shirts that said AutismSpot.com, or did they visit the site and had it influenced them to visit with us? Regardless of why these incredible young adults came up to us, they walked up with confidence and shared their story. We exchanged a lot of information and we talked about their life. They had advice about the realities of life for the young person with Asperger's. The challenges, the frustrations, the lack of choices....even with some of the highest functioning adults with Asperger's....there are challenges that are not widely discussed. Each of the people I talked with shared their frustration with parents of young children with Autism and Asperger's. They had details, life experiences, and stories that are alarming.

The media is flush with "recovery", "inclusion", "eliminate Autism", and other phrases and statements that have isolated these young adults. One young woman shared with me that she wasn't officially diagnosed until she was 21 years old. Her small town didn't have the professionals or support systems that might have recognized her differences or special needs years ago. She is highly intelligent, well spoken, educated (has attended college). The theme was similar with each person I talked with. Each of them wanted to tell me how important it is that no matter how "recovered" a child with Asperger's may appear, on the inside they struggle and fight with tendencies and frustrations that therapy has taught them to control...but don't go away. When you stop and listen to the real stories (not some make believe future that some parents want to create for their kids, write about, speak about.... before there child is even in their teenage years) of those who have been labeled "recovered" you start to see a more clear picture of what the future might be like for our unique children.

Early intervention, consistent therapy, introduction of a good diet, use of supplementation, and adding medication when necessary can all create very positive outcomes. The adults I met with this past week had benefited from all these things in some combination. These adults learned as children how to function, receive approval, and make it through school. When school was out for summer, when they graduated or aged out of the system, the internal challenges they had become accustomed to suppressing, holding back, seemed to well up inside and often caused behavior issues as young adults. It became more and more obvious to them that they were "different" than everyone else. The therapists were no longer coming by, the specialists were not there to talk to, they had "recovered" so why did they feel so out of control, empty, frustrated, and lonely? Each one told me how they felt like they reached a pinnacle of some kind and then all that they knew was washed away. They were expected to hold it all together without all the supports that helped them "get there" or reach the point of independence. They didn't have many choices, jobs were hard to impossible to keep, they made mistakes that others seemed to never make, friends were scarce to non-existent.

These young adults validated my feelings and gave me the reinforcement I needed as a parent. I have always felt that Sam's progress has been both a blessing and a challenge. His intelligence, charm, good manners, incredible vocabulary, and ability to socialize is a blessing that many with Autism (or specifically Asperger's Syndrome) strive for. I've also reminded myself through the years that I can't be fooled by progress. Sam still may struggle and deal with challenges that he can not yet express or communicate clearly because he is only eight years old. Having been an executive over the Human Resources function at numerous technology companies, I dealt with many adults with Asperger's Syndrome. These adults often struggled with the challenges that come with unclear messages from managers, constant change in the work environment, and had difficulty dealing with peers. Having a degree from MIT, Stanford, Brown, or any other prestigious school didn't mean that life came easy as a working adult trying to make it on there own. An outsider may feel like the choices and options available to the adult with Asperger's, who has achieved so much, are limitless. Sometimes, the reality is the choices are few. As a community we have such a narrow focus on issues that we forget there is a bigger community with broad needs.

I am still filtering and doing some analysis of all the information I acquired. What I know deep in my heart is that my son will need more choices as he gets older. I am glad to see so much being done for the young children with Autism. One of the reasons we created AutismSpot was to help that newly diagnosed parent find real support and guidance. Another reason AutismSpot exists is to look into the future....What does it mean to be a teenager, college student, adult, or senior citizen with Autism? I realize there are few choices for my son and we are going to do something about that.