Autism Tip #2: Don't Count Me Out

It never feels good to be the one left out of a group. Being the outsider looking in is not the position most of us want to be in. Are they talking about me? Are they laughing at me? Are they having fun at my expense and I don't even know it? Where are my friends? Who will want to be with me?

These feelings of isolation, loneliness, and fear are difficult for every child, including children with Autism. The following question was recently asked while I was speaking to a group about Autism in the community, "I know a boy with Autism, he is non-verbal, and always seems out of it. He won't play with any of the other kids and I can't ever get through to him. Sometimes the other kids laugh at some of the things he does (flapping his hands, grunting, and laughing for no reason). Since he is Autistic, don't you think he is clueless and has no idea what is going on?" My response was simple, "You could not be more wrong in your assumption. First, he is a boy. He is a boy who happens to have Autism. He has feelings just like you and I do."

Sam had a very difficult time learning to communicate. Eventually, after extensive speech therapy, Sam learned to communicate his needs and eventually speak. He was very delayed compared to peers his age. As a child with an Asperger's diagnosis, people often are surprised to hear that he had severe speech delays. Let's remember, no two cases of Autism (or specifically Asperger's in this case) are identical. One thing I know for certain, Sam has memory recall like no one else I have ever met. Sam remembers dates, times, events, conversations, signs, colors, sounds, and more, down to the most incredible detail. Also, Sam remembers events and conversations that took place around him even when he could not speak the words himself.

Time and again, I hear from children and adults alike, stories about someone with Autism remembering stories or events that everyone else seems to have long forgotten. If there is a family member nearby, there are typically comments about the shock that occurred when they realized "he knew what was going on all along, but he just couldn't tell us." Is this the case with every child or adult on the Autism spectrum? Does every child with Autism have exceptional or amazing recall? No. This would be stereotyping and no two people are alike.

I feel extremely lucky that Sam is able to tell me how he feels and express his emotions with words. Even after extreme meltdowns, Sam often feels ashamed and embarrassed. He will go on and on about how sorry he is and that he feels sad that he lost control. If he could control himself, he would. I feel for the families and friends that we know who pray for the day their child will speak one word. When someone is not able to stand for himself, we must be willing to do so for him.

Don't Count Me Out: ideas for home, community, & the classroom
1) Just because someone can not speak doesn't mean they don't have feelings.
2) Just because someone can not speak doesn't mean they don't understand.
3) Just because someone has difficulty making eye contact doesn't mean they can't read the anger or frustration on your face.
4) Just because someone can not speak does not mean they can not hear. Raising your voice can often escalate a situation.
5) Just because someone can not speak does not mean they will forget.
6) Just because someone is not like you does not make them wrong, different, broken, or disabled. All of us are differently abled.
7) Just because someone is always picked last does not mean you have to follow the trend. Be the person to break the cycle.
8) Just because someone has always been a certain way does not mean they will be that way forever. Miracles happen, healing occurs, people learn new skills, and change happens.
9) Just because someone can not say, "Thank you for helping me." does not mean they don't feel gratitude towards you.
10) Just because a little boy could not talk, I did not stop speaking to him. One day he said, "Daddy, I love you." It was on this day that I realized, through all those trying years, whenever he had looked into my eyes he was really saying, "Don't Count Me Out."

Make a difference in someone's life. Don't count them out.