I have an almost constant case of autism envy. Not the “I wish my child could do that” type (though that is a natural feeling at times), but more like the “why don’t I know what they are talking about?” and “why don’t we have that kind of therapy for our child?” types.

Because I work with the other folks behind AutismSpot, I’m constantly surrounded by experts -- experts in the detached academic sense as well as in the personal “I have a child on the spectrum and I’ve done a lot of research” sense. That’s good for me, right? You bet, but it’s kind of like going to a really good school full of smart people; you learn a lot but everybody else makes better grades and looks at you like the poor curve anchor that you are. Plus they have strong shoulders and their cars don’t die in the middle of intersections. Okay so the analogy veered off course a bit there....

The same goes for therapy; there’s always somebody out there getting some therapy for their child that you’re not. “Should we be doing that too?” is the constant question.

Though there’s pain, there’s no guilt when your child performs worse (academically or socially) than peers, unless you think it’s your fault because you feel you haven’t done enough. If someone else does more for their child than you do for yours, you can be envious, you can feel guilty, you can dislike that person, you can rationalize, or you can simply acknowledge that you don’t have unlimited resources and do the best you can. I vote for the last, though I can’t help experiencing the others at times. What's important is first to love your child as hard as you can, even though what you see in them can make you sad at times. (Loyal Matt readers may have just detected a blip in the sappiness gauge there...)

Okay, but I should go back a bit. Not to call a bunch of balladeers liars, but love is not enough. You may not be able to get all the fancy therapy, but you can do some research, learn all you can about your child’s condition, and do what you can, even if it’s just you directing the therapy instead of a professional. The secret is to leave the guilt behind. Easier said than done, I know. I really do.