There is joy in the world and we only have to open our hearts to see it. Sometimes, it is a challenge to deal with the daily issues that come with parenting a child on the Autism Spectrum. Over time, I have learned there is also an incredible amount of joy in our family because we live with Autism.

A few years ago I wrote two different articles about JOY!: "Music Can Be The Bridge" and "6 Hour EEG"
A large New Year's Eve party and an EEG are not the kind of events you would think that would bring JOY! As you can see by the pictures and read in the articles, there was great JOY! The common theme with these events, we stopped looking at things from our skewed and fearful perspective and started looking at them from Sam's perspective. It's easy to put up invisible walls to protect our kids with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). We do this for good reason though. We have seen the cruelty of the world first hand. The long stares at the grocery store, the prying eyes when you are trying to privately calm your child during a tantrum at the mall, the rolling of eyes at the twelth preschool you visited when you were just trying to find a place for your child to "fit", and the not-so-subtle whispers about being horrible parents, and having undisciplined, out-of-control children that need a good spanking. We all wear thick coats of armor because people can be cruel.

There were two events this week that are excellent examples of the ebb and flow we experience as parents of "a text book Asperger's kid" as his doctors, therapists, and teachers lovingly point out. Sam is witty, engaging, fearless, a subject matter expert on many subjects, quirky, and has severe ADHD and OCD to go with it all. Medication has allowed Sam the ability to hold things together and focus long enough to "make it". If your child was diabetic would you not give them their insulin? If your child has ADHD and OCD then you explore every option from biomedical to traditional medical options. We have tried dozens of options and the two medications that are effective for Sam have been critical to his success. So, every day we follow a very regimented routine to get the day started the right way.

EVENT #1: During a hectic morning, Angie and I went through our morning family routine except for one step......neither of us double checked whether Sam took all of his vitamins, supplements, and medication. While driving Sam to school, I received a call from Angie saying that Luke found Sam's "focus" medicine near his water glass. Uh oh. Turning back would mean a 45 minute ordeal and I had a film shoot starting in less than an hour. Angie and Luke were trying to get to school on time. She had a classroom of kids depending on her to be there. We decided to take the risk and prayed Sam would be able to make it through the day without his focus medication. We received some very nice calls from the school letting us know that Sam had become the office helper. His non-stop chatter prevented the teacher from being able to effectively lead the class. He wasn't being "bad" per se, he simply couldn't keep himself from moving (physically) and he was so happy he couldn't stop talking about all the things that he loves. This is when a good school that understands learning differences can make a world of difference. As the headmaster said, "There is only so much you can say about steam trains. Sam seems to have learned every one of those things and is able to share them......over and over again." Sam made it through the day and the incredible team at his school turned it into a positive experience. They didn't try to discipline it out of him, threaten him, or become angry. They understood what was going on, they realized Sam was trying but unable to fully control the impulses, and they made it work. The next day we double and triple checked to ensure Sam took his medication. I received an email form the headmaster and immediately became concerned. Was the medication not working? I opened the email to learn it was her birthday and that Sam had complemented her on the lovely hat she had on. Also, Sam sang her a solo of Happy Birthday with more enthusiasm than she could even imagine mustering. She was appreciative while also sending the message that Sam is ok and doing well. Sam was back on track and spreading the JOY! that was in his heart.

EVENT #2: On the drive home Friday, I called the family and met them to get treats at Sonic near our house. I got out of my car and piled in with the rest of the family. We were literally surrounded by hoards of junior high kids. There were easily 50-70 kids milling about. Sam was on high HAPPY alert. He loves making new friends and is not afraid to talk to anyone (this can be a very bad thing as well...safety first). Sam was chomping at the bit to get out and talk to the kids. Holy cow this made us nervous. Hoards of young teens, all strutting their extra cool stuff, all of them sipping loads and load of sugar, and the queen bees and wanna be kings were obvious with all their minions following them in circles. Then there was 3rd grader Sam who saw them all as potential friends. The smile across his face went ear to ear, he was literally dancing inside the van and begging to step outside. Angie and I looked at each other with great concern and finally smiled...why not. My immediate thoughts: We would be able to intervene quickly if necessary. We live in the #1 safest city in Texas and #9 nationwide. Things will be OK.

Sam jumped out of the car and immediately started singing along with the music Sonic was playing. He danced a little and realized the other kids were not dancing so he chilled out a bit. Some of the kids glanced over at him. For the most part, the kids didn't seem to notice him. As a matter of fact, some of the kids smiled at him and it wasn't in that laughing, making fun of, sarcastic way that teens are capable of. Sam said hello to some kids and they said hello back. He walked up to a boy and asked if he liked riding the bus and the kid just acknowledged him and moved on. Sam started singing about the DART Rail and trains. He talked to himself about buses and just kept smiling and laughing. Our drinks came out and back in the car Sam climbed.

Those 5 minutes were so much fun for Sam. He wanted to be involved with the group of kids, he saw their smiling faces and assumed they would be inviting, and when he was given the opportunity he tried to engage totally on his own. He just simply didn't know how to engage them on their terms so that they would reciprocate. This is something he has been working on for years and will work on for the rest of his life. As so many of my adult friends with Asperger's have said, "Learning to meet people on their terms, talking about what they want to talk about, being able to pay attention to their signals is extremely hard. It takes effort, practice, and making lots of mistakes. But, it's possible and I just have to keep trying." I greatly appreciate my friends telling me this because they know how important it is that I work with Sam on this.

I was so proud of Sam for taking a chance. We know the world will dish out some nasty, ugly, cruel things along the way to those living with significant differences. Even though Sam has seen his share of negative things, he has chosen JOY! as his emotion of choice. No matter what happens to us, no matter what we allow happen to us, no matter the circumstances we face, we choose how we will view the world. We choose our attitude. Like my Sam....JOY! is a really good option to go with.